white noise

While I was going to sleep last night, my ears were drowned by white noise. You know, the noise that is made up of no noise at all! My ears were burning for the sounds of the big city….the constant echos that I heard when I slept high in the New York hotel room. Those sounds comfort me. They make me grateful for being safe, cozy, and warm inside and in bed while knowing there are still people up and about. It gives me a sense of security knowing these people are up. It’s almost as if they are keeping watch over me.

So, I tuned my ears to start listening for the streets of my 12th South neighborhood. Yes, just a little bit smaller than the city of NY, but when it is quiet throughout the house and the only noise you hear is white noise and the occasional automatic heater turning on and off......then the tones and the humming of my neighborhood start to sound like a city that may never actually sleep.

And I feel safe and find myself drifting off into la-la land.......

ramen soup

in the middle of february, cozy on the couch in my nashville, tennessee home, watching a documentary on some local musicians and my friend sitting next to me eating ramen soup.

gray, glooming, sleepy and 28 degrees outside.  it snowed a couple days ago and there is still some white powdered evidence on the ground.  it is 11am and I am still in my pajamas and holes have definitely made their home in my green boot slippers that fit loosely on my feet.

days like this make me think and get excited about summer and the life it gives by living in the sun under the blue skies and running on the green ground……but days like this also make me grateful for the rest and the sweetness of just being and enjoying winter’s melancholy mood……

days like this calls for ramen soup……

Badger

 My name is Badger.....

"I am my own parade."

I met Badger at Ugly Mugs in East Nashville.  You may have seen him or have even met him.  Ugly Mugs is his hangout spot and many people do enjoy talking to him.  And I can see why!  He is an open book and is not afraid to tell it as it is.  

  He caught my eye after seeing him sitting outside creating a wire artifact while smoking his homemade cigarette out of a crazy looking cigarette holder you can see in the photo above.  

Born in Wisconsin, a high school graduate, he was kicked out of the army because of his fight for peace not war and in his very own words, "by the end of working in the army, I was saying 'yes sweetheart' instead of 'yes sir'!"  He has traveled the USA, making his art, never knowing exactly where he will live, making friends, making enemies (mostly with the government and/or authorities), and has ended up in Nashville where he lives above a half renovated basement which he says is more like a gaping hole that the home above will eventually ca-lapse in to.  He has been in jail several times after using government's "waste" such as broken cement and drift wood to make sculptures but also making his home in the New Orleans' "wastelands".  

  Badger's story was very fascinating! I ended up standing in the cold for maybe an hour and found both of my feet totally frozen.  Before I went back inside, I asked him what his dreams were as of right now or goals and this is what he said....

"I would like to build galleries in different cities where artists can perform and/or display their art in; a place where artists can also sleep and be fed and then travel to the next city where they can do it all over again."

I think he is onto something.....

"I like to say I have many personalities which are crazy and out there in and of themselves.....and that is why I call myself Badger.  I might even legalize it one day!"

voice of beauty

I’m sitting here, actually lying on the ground of an East Nashville basement turned into a recording studio.  I am just using this free time to write a lil somethin-somethin:)  And no, I am not the one recording.  Although, I will not lie....I would love to be the one recording!  The ability to sing will be greatly taken advantage of when I am in heaven indeed!  I guess I get the privilege of being able to enjoy, to bask in, to be fully drenched by the beauty of music’s organized noise.  At times, music is able to take me almost as far as the heavens and then at other times it is able to mirror the raw emotions of me being this human on earth.    The hum of this beauty encompasses pain, deep joy,  sorrow, laughter, love broken and love in full, holiness….

music is the voice of beauty…..

…and who doesn't like listening to beauty??

 Music: the art of arranging sounds in time so as to produce a continuous, unified, and evocative composition, as through melody, harmony, rhythm, and timbre.

just lovely....

just because.

here are some photos that i just like. they inspire me a lil. there will probably be more to come.

(they are all found in theshelby.com via Goop.com)

white barn.

this is very fresh and still really down to earth. i would love to use this place as an office of some sort. how awesome would that be?!

chalkboard kitchen.

i am obsessed with chalkboard walls right now and this photo just fed my hunger for it:)

lollypop girlie.

i just like the coloring in this photo. i like the algae you can see growing on the steps. i like the brown and white stripes on this little girls hat. i like the BIG lollypop she is holding in her small hands. you know she is concentrating on downing this sucker! 

life.

these shoes have a story and probably many at that!

silverware.

i just like this photo period. i like the idea of putting silverware in drawer compartments like this . 

hope (merry Christmas!)

There's a song in the air!

There's a star in the sky!

There's a mother's deep prayer, 

And a baby's low cry!

And the star rains its fire

with beautiful song, 

For the manger of Bethlehem cradles a King.

"A few years ago a striking Christmas card was published, with the title, "If Christ had not come."  It was founded upon our Savior's words, "If I had not come."  The card represented a clergyman falling into a short sleep in his study on Christmas morning and dreaming of a world into which Jesus had never come......

In his dream he found himself looking through his home, but there were no little stockings in the chimney corner, no Christmas bells or wreaths of holly, and no Christ to comfort, gladden, and save.  He walked out on the public street, but there was no church with its spire pointing to heaven.  He came back and sat down in his library, but every book about the Savior had disappeared.

A ring at the doorbell, and a messenger asked him to visit a poor dying mother.  He hastened with the weeping child and as he reached the home, he sat down and said, "I have something here that will comfort you."  He opened his Bible to look for a familiar promise, but it ended at Malachi, and there was no gospel and no promise of hope and salvation, and he could only bow his head and weep with her in bitter despair.

Two days afterward he stood beside her coffin and conducted the funeral service, but there was no message of consolation, no word of glorious resurrection, no open heaven, but only "dust to dust, and ashes to ashes," and one long eternal farewell.  He realized at length that "He had not come" and burst of tears and bitter weeping in his sorrowful dream."

"He comes to make His blessing flow, 

Far as the curse is found!"

We now have hope and without it, life would not make sense.

-"Streams in The Dessert" (Mrs. Charles Cowan)

love reality

I seem to come to a place often where my fingers are itching to write and at the same time I have no earthly clue what to write about!  I mean, there is a lot to write about but then again where do I start or what is on the surface of my heart?

I am at a place in my life that is adventurous, creative, unknown, discovering, learning, knowing, believing, uncertain...walking and sometimes leaping as I dance through this beautifully rich life.  And I am learning that embracing that is freedom--- True freedom...jumping off a huge tree swing with your eyes closed, feeling the wind on your face, your body free-floating in the air long enough to almost feel like you may never come down and then opening your eyes at the right time to communicate to your feet where to land in the last few seconds of letting gravity pull you back down.  Whew!  You land.  And what you experienced was exhilarating!

I read an article today that just spoke so profoundly of the reality of relationships.  We as human beings long for that certain someone and when we think we find the the "perfect" one, we then realize they are not perfect and move to the next one or just give up.  We are constantly disappointed because in fact, we are realizing (and some may never realize it) that there is indeed no one that can satisfy our need for a perfect understanding of who we are......no one.  Not our mother, our father, our brother or sister, our closest friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife.....no one.  There are definitely dear people in our lives that understand and are willing to listen and encourage and to emote with you because they too desire the same longings, but that is all.  Community... friends, family, companions....are here so we can push each other forward in our brokenness and our joys...so we do not have to be alone.  However, we are all here to experience life to together NOT to save one another or even fulfill the aches and pains of our deepest needs and hurts.....and here is where our Father comes in.  I must say, the way He designed this world is perfect.  It's perfect because all the things we desire here on earth that we try to meet in so many different ways, do not end up fulfilling us at all.  They only end in disappointment because we then come to the end of ourselves and realize nothing can really satisfy our needs and we truly desire someone greater than ourselves.....someone who also saves us from ourselves....and someone who understands us perfectly....who knows every hurt and every need....and can in fact, meet those needs because He is indeed perfect, and He is indeed the Savior, and He is indeed our lover, and He is indeed the Creator of our minds and our hearts.  Everything, beautiful and painful here on earth, points back to the Creator.  Every relationship here on earth, only shows us how fallen we are and how much more we need a Savior.  And coming from a person who is far from perfect when it comes to relationships in every form that they may come, I desire them in my life.  They show me how to love, how to hurt with, how to sacrifice, how selfish I am, how to encourage and how to laugh with......and most of all, how I need my Savior more than I will ever need anyone else.  

Here is the passage I mentioned earlier.  I believe it expresses the reality and also the sheer beauty of relationships.....

"....In the end, it seems to me that forgiveness may be the only realistic antidote we are offered in love, to combat the inescapable disappointments of intimacy.  There are moments when I can almost see the space that separates Felipe from me---and that always will separate us---despite my lifelong longing to be rendered whole by someone else's love, despite all my efforts over the years to find someone who would be perfect for me and who, in turn, would allow me to become some sort of perfected being.  Instead, our dissimilarities and our faults hover between us always, like a shadowy wave.  But sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of Intimacy herself, balancing right there on that very wave of difference---actually standing there right between us---actually (heaven help us) standing chance."

 -Elizabeth Gilbert (and yes, this passage was found in the January issue of the Oprah Magazine...God can speak through rocks! okay???)